One big week, one full closet.

Well, a lot can happen in one week. Yes, we all know that, but sometimes, doesn't it feel like maybe there is just too much in one week? Last week on May 1st we headed back over to Alberta to pick up our fifth wheel and get a few appointments tidied up there. On the drive over, I received a phone call that a very dear, long time friend of mine had been killed in a Helli skiing accident. This friend had been my employer and a close friend of mine for years before I had left Atlin. The Helli skiing industry was a serious love of mine. it was a time in my life that I thoroughly enjoyed. I grieved harder than I have grieved for a very long time. I wasn't ready to not see my friend again, I don't know if he was saved in those last few moments of his life. AND I had to let go of that last little bit of the old Tammy, I obviously had been clinging too. It hurt and I felt guilt at being so grieved at this loss? It took some words from a friend to point out to me that in the Bible there is a lot more about being chosen, than our having choices for how things turn out. I reflected on this long and hard. The rest of the week, was crammed with long hours of driving, studying for a neglected course, more news of distant relatives passing, my wonderful and amazing husbands birthday and preparation for Mother's Day .Oh yeah, and the Federal election, and news of Osama's death............One  big week.

As exciting as the journey for us is at times, there are moments when I wonder why me? Why us? The more I think about all of it the more it brings me back to how little I know, but long for a deeper understanding of God's ways. So, the following words ares a lot of things I don't know, and some I know for certain due to my experiences in the last year.  The whole issue of healing, is a why me.  Last May, when I was healed of my ridiculous allergies.............I went to a prayer meeting, not having any idea what to expect. I felt a lot of things, but nothing I could exactly describe in detail. I did know for certain that  the Holy Spirit was there. At the end of the night, the lady next to me, said "Wow, not sure what, but you where definitely healed of something".  I am sure I had a very transparent look on my face, that said,  Wow, I have no idea what you are talking about. On the drive home, I remember being upset with my Mom for not telling me that I smelled of onions.............I had been cooking all day prior. Two days later it occurred to me that I had not taken me allergy medicine cocktails. I used to  have to take two Benadryl at night, pop Reactine all day and used a variety of steroid nasal sprays and inhalers, etc. I was normally in complete misery for the entire allergy season..............spring and summer. I did not pray for myself to be healed of allergies, quite frankly it hadn't occurred to me to do so. No one else to my knowledge prayed for me, at least not admittedly or out loud, and I don't think anyone there would have even known allergies were a big problem for me. The pieces started coming together. I noticed I smelled like onions after the meeting, I didn't notice before, because I couldn't smell it. Then I started to take deep breaths! I realized that I was drug free! I felt like a million bucks! I didn't have my allergies! I wanted to throw a party!

 I didn't ask for a healing,  God chose to heal me. There was no one preaching over me, or proclaiming anything............just quiet prayers for others. HE just did it.  That's Mercy.

It was enough for me to get excited about things. It was enough to get Bill and I excited about working for God, and excited enough to let him use us, no matter how bizarre the plan seemed to look. It was enough for me to feel completely loved, at random, from my Heavenly Father. He just picked me to heal of  my dreadful allergies, so I would feel cared for at a time in my life when I really needed it. God knew what was in my heart.It was enough for us to feel moldable, and leadable. It was enough for us to (months later) decide to walk away from the big house at the lake we had been so desperately trying to hang on to and the life style we were hoping for. Enough for us to say, O.k. Lord, let's do this!
That night at the Monday night prayer meeting, I was harbouring hurt, rejection and bitterness in my heart from serious emotional wounds I received earlier that winter. I had been separated due to work from my husband for the five months prior and pretty sore about that experience too. ( Hurt and lonely!!) We had been in a tough spot financially and he had to go away to work. We were both  having a tough time seeing what God's purpose and plan for us was at this time in our lives.

 My heart wasn't "right",  (as I have heard the coin phrase used in regards to some receiving healings and others not recieving healings)it was broken and hurt, and I am a regrettably sinful human. If you need to have no sin in your life to be healed and pure heart, than I failed the enterance exam but still passed the test? Having experienced the healings I have I also understand  more fully now,  that Jesus dealt fully with my sin a long time ago,  once and for all on the cross, and I received that forgiveness in it's completeness the moment I accepted him into my heart.  I need to thank the many Pastors in our lives and of the three churches we attend regularly* in two provinces for  helping me receive the message of forgiveness in it's entirety. That is "The Good News"! I do know that God calls us to continually clean out our "closets" and make more and more room for him as we grow in Him. But, I also know, that my "closet" wasn't that clean that day. I have been showered with grace and mercy from our Lord. I also have no more unforgiveness in my heart about that issue any more and I understand the dangers of harbouring unforgiveness! More room for joy  and praise when you get rid of the other stuff! God showed me clearly what that can do to my heart and health. God knew of course, that it would be enough to prompt Bill and I, on to a new, deeper walk with Him.  AND I know that God uses flawed vessels, for we are such flawed vessels.

I know not much about the doctrines of healing, I just know that it happens. So why use me(us), as I know so little? I only know when the Holy Spirit leads me to pray. I have experienced healing and seen it in others.  I have had the privilege of being used to help a few others clean out their closets, and receive freedoms, and heeling's too. But, God's love  for us, is unconditional, as is His mercy. We can't earn it, He just gives it, freely. I have also seen God just  heal others with a full closet like mine . I know that God has healed me twice, both times, I had not asked, had a hurt heart, and He just chose me so that my testimony might glorify His name. I believe God heals, to glorify Himself. The testimony of our healing's, bring glory to Him. I will talk (testify ;) ) more about the healing of the blindness in my right eye, the following September, at a different time. For now, I just want to sign off being content to know that I have been chosen. I don't know a lot of things, and God does, and I am o.k. with that. I may not ever figure out why us, and if any of you do, don't tell us ;) we will know eventually! LOL.  This past week was a rough one, but I can honestly say at the end of it all, I am o.k. with it as well, because I  DO know without a doubt that God is in one hundred percent control.
Blessings to you, and comfort in the knowledge that you are chosen by our Lord.

Isn't that amazing???????????????????? He picked us!!! That's right, God, the one and only picked us! He knocks on the door........all we have to do is answer. Yes, Father.